It Ends Tonight

December 9th

I woke up this morning in my bed, in my room, in my house, surrounded by familiar walls, familiar pictures and the familiar clock radio resting beside me. Over the past several days I had grown used to waking to Justin's soft coos to rise out of bed from his place at the sink where he was lathering his chest for his daily shave. I was saddened.
But like all good things, this, too, had to end.
The drive back from Pittburgh was long. We had agreed to use this time as private ipod listening time. I had uploaded the latest episodes of "Radiolab," "This Amerian Life" and "Speaking of Faith" onto my ipod, so I was eagerly nodding my head to the thought provoking tenor voice of Jad Abumrad, the nerdy speech of Ira Glass, and the soft reassuring voice of Krista Tippet (yes, in that order).
However, as the weather grew colder and we approached the familiar signs of the New Jersey Turnpike, I had begun to realize that we were, in fact, returning to New York and to the life that we had briefly escaped from for one full week.
I spent most of today browsing through pictures I took throughout our trip. I watched so many small memories, so much emotion enclosed in two megabyte pixels that were slowly uploading onto my computer. The beautiful turquoise of the North Carolina Tarheels, the common columns adorning the homes in Charleston, the large shipping boats at the Savannah port, the small little hipster heaven in Little Five Points Atlanta, the voice of MLK echoing throughout the broken down city of Montgomery, the bellow of the guitarist at the restaurant in Jackson, the vast fields of cotton in the Delta, the soul of the 14 year old blues player in Memphis, the sweet little Pie lady outside of Nashville reminding us to vote for her pie next time, the chili waitress in Cincinnati, the soft dirt track of Churchill Downs, the construction workers in Pittsburgh who ended up being one of the friendliest people despite his "My Name is Earl" facial hair and southern swagger. All these memories ricocheted between my ears like lottery numbers. So many years of history crammed into one week.
And as I entered my car, a Dodge, not the Pontiac we had lovingly named "Betsy Sue," I felt strangely free. No electronic wires form laptops, ipods, cell phones, and power generators restricted me. No GPS woman repeatedly urging me to "BEAR LEFT AHEAD"- "AHEAD" in fact meaning "in 2 miles" - No assortment of Cheez-its, Granola Bars, Chex Mix, or Red Bulls stashed in the back seat beneath blankets and water bottles. There was no jewish man sitting beside me singing "Sweet Home Alabama" at the top of his lungs and then asking to stop at the next rest area so he can dispense urine into sanitation receptacles.
I woke up this morning, not on a road trip at all but instead more stationary than ever before. We drove 3000 miles in one week and landed right where we started. Ain't that life?

For a full album of our trip I invite you to the following link:
http://good-times.webshots.com/album/569143891LggCGW?vhost=good-times

God Bless.

FUN Awards

This is Part 2 of the Awards. Check out Part 1 for the more serious awards. These are more fun.

BEST MEAL AT A NON-CHAIN RESTAURANT: Que Sera Sera in Jackson, Miss.
Runner-Up: Harold's BBQ in Atlanta

Surprisingly Jackson gave us the best meal. This place had the best waiter, as he refilled my sweat tea 3,000 times and would never let my glass get less than 3/4s full. We also had interesting Fried Green Tomatoes (taste like fried zucchini sort of) and I had a delicious bowl of Gumbo soup. Great meal.

Runner-up was the BBQ joint in Atlanta. It was definitely the most authentic feeling meal we had, served at a place with an old lunch counter, dingy tables and a sheriff behind the counter (I guess he is a regular). Also looked like the sort of place you could get killed at if you said the wrong thing, but that just added to the appeal. The staff was nothing but friendly and the BBQ was really tasty.

BEST MEAL AT A CHAIN RESTAURANT: Jack-In-The-Box in Nashville, TN.
Runner-Up: Sonic outside of Savannah, GA.

Maybe it was because I was so hungry I had the shakes, but my chicken fajita pita sandwich and curly fries at Jack In The Box were amazing. Plus the place was so clean. I hadn't had Jack In The Box since I was in California like 10 years ago, and it seems like the food has really improved. I didn't even realize they had any restaurants in the East, and I think Nashville is the only city that had them.

Sonic gets #2 because I had always wanted to eat there and it had good food plus a unique concept. It is an authentic drive-in where every car has a speaker and you order through the speaker and they bring the food out to your car. You can either eat the food right there in your car (there are different spots and speakers for each car) or take it to go. They have a big menu and some healthy options too, unlike some of the other places we tried.

BEST SONG OF THE TRIP: "Love Story" by Taylor Swift
Runner-up: "Human" by The Killers

Yes, it is gay that both OJ and I fell silent every time this came on the radio or started playing from our iPods. But whatever, we both really like the song and even after hearing it like 10 times it never lost its charm.

"Human" is great too and it was hard to decide which one we liked more.

SONG THAT DROVE US NUTS ON THE TRIP: "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz
Runner-up: "Womanizer" by Britney Spears

I used to love this Jason Mraz song. Now it will haunt my dreams. Seriously. It played like 400 times in the span of 3 days and it was banned from iPod play. Unfortunately it then started to play on the radio. We immediately switched stations every time. It was impossible to escape from it.

OJ loves the Britney Spears song. I hate it. The chorus makes me want to stab my eyes out with an ice pick. So I guess it didn't annoy US, just ME.

FRIENDLIEST PERSON OF THE TRIP: Woman from the Pie Folks Cafe (forgot her name)

We didn't talk to nearly as many locals as we would have liked on the trip, mainly because the GPS and the internet did all the work in terms of navigation, but this woman was just delightful. She owned and operated this place called Pie Folks right outside of Memphis. We stopped there for a slice of pie and got the whole story on how her "Slap Yo Mama" pie was nominated by Good Morning America as best pie in the country. She'd get my vote any day.

BIGGEST TOURIST TRAP: Beale Street in Memphis, Tenn.

This almost won as the most disappointing place on the trip, but I held out because I still had a good time there. Beale Street has a big row of clubs that have live music in Memphis. Unfortunately, the drinks are expensive, there are covers for every place and the music was not so good. Definitely a tourist trap. Everyone there was like twice our age.

FAVORITE LINE OF THE TRIP: "We're just a couple of Oil Barons on our way to Battttoooonnnn Rougeeeee by way of Coosawatchie, South Carolina" (said in a VERY heavy Southern accent)

I can't explain this, you just had to be there.

FAVORITE NAME OF CITY/COUNTY THAT WE SAW ON THE TRIP: Licking County right outside of Columbus, Ohio
Runner-up: Chocoloco, Alabama

FAVORITE CHURCH/RELIGION RELATED MESSAGE WE SAW ON THE TRIP: On a church sign advertising Sunday service --> "Heaven: Don't Miss It For The World"

That's all folks. I had an AMAZING TIME ON THIS TRIP. OJ was the best travel companion ever as we didn't get into one fight. He was able to deal with my mood swings and extreme neurosis :-) My next road trip will be to the great American plains in a few years I think. As for my impressions of the South, I'll leave you with this quote from a book I read:

"Kid, once you leave New York City, EVERY city you go to is Bridgeport"

Peace ya'll

J$

Trip-End Awards

After a brief stop in Pittsburgh PA OJ and I are on our way back to Brooklyn. By the way, Pittsburgh is surprisingly a nice little city. The downtown area reminds me a lot of Manhattan with big buildings and narrow streets and lots of activity. Too bad we didn't have more time to explore it. We checked out the two sports stadiums, picked up some uber-greasy sandwiches and bolted to avoid any bad weather. We will probably be home in about 4 hours.

Since OJ is driving this leg, I figured I'd do my awards for the trip. I know you have been waiting all day for them :-) I will be doing winners for every categories and runner-ups where appropriate.

BEST CITY WE VISITED: Nashville, Tennessee
Runner-Up: Charleston, South Carolina

I had to give this one to Nashville because, well, it was the most active and civilized city we visited. If we did this trip during the summer, I suspect Charleston may have won, because it is a beach town and it looks like it would be amazing in warm weather. Tommy, if you're reading this, I'm coming there to visit your ass in June :-)

MOST SURPRISING CITY WE VISITED IN A GOOD WAY: Jackson, Mississippi
Runner-Up: Pittsburgh, PA

We expected Jackson to completely suck, given it is smaller than Montgomery in size and population. We were pleasantly susprised with the downtown area and the cleanliness of the city. There wasn't much to do, but it was nice and I would definitely go back again. For the reasons mentioned above, Pittsburgh gets the honorable mention.

WORST CITY WE VISITED: Montgomery, Alabama

No surprise here. Montgomery was a complete dump. Granted we did not spend much time there, but what we saw bordered on being sad. It looked dirty, dingy, dangerous and depressing. We did have a good southern comfort style meal there and the Civil Rights Center is awesome, but it doesn't change the fact that the city was repulsive :-)

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT: Atlanta, Georgia
Runner-up: Savannah, Georgia

I guess the state of Georgiaitself was a disappointment. We spent a day and a half in Atlanta and we didn't find anything enthralling about the city. I mean, it is called the CAPITOL OF THE SOUTH for God's sake, and none of the bars were crowded except one, and that was because they were doing some weird trivia night thing for locals. The downtown area was empty and lacked energy. For two nights and a pretty expensive motel price, it was a big letdown.

Savannah gets honorable mention here because we weren't very impressed with what we saw, but we didn't stay long enough to really see what it was like at night. What we saw looked touristy and fairly uninteresting. Like Charleston, it seems to be more of a summer destination, but it didn't have Charleston's charm.

SCARIEST PLACE WE VISITED: North Farish Street and the surrounding area in Jackson, Mississippi
Runner-Up: Montgomery, Alabama in general

North Farish Street was at one time the center of the African-American community in Jackson and supposedly had streets teeming with people in a carnival-like atmosphere. Now it is a bunch of boarded up buildings, with one or two open stores, shady characters on the streets corners and houses that literally have trees and bushes growing in the center of them. Oh, and stray dogs running around the streets. Driving around there at night was probably a bad idea, but it was an experience to see it and to recognize how great it used to be.

Montgomery was scary because, well, it is hard to imagine people live in the city. Everything looked awful and run-down, and there weren't even any fast food restaurants to eat in. Every sign on every store looked like it was 100 years old.

MOST HISTORICALLY INTERESTING EXPERIENCE: Driving along the Mississippi Delta on our way to Memphis and stopping in Clarksdale, Mississippi for tamales
Runner-Up: Tie between MLK Jr. Center in Atlanta and Civil Rights Center in Montgomery

The Mississippi delta region starts at Jackson, Miss. and supposedly ends in the lobbyy of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, Tenn. The area is fascinating because, to be blunt, it was the center of cotton production in the South during the pre-Civil War area, and it is where a great majority of the slaves toiled on the land. Moreover, it was the site of some of the most avid and violent racism during the Civil Rights Movement. Ok, I didn't say it was a GOOD history, but still, driving through the sprawling cotton fields along the Delta gave me a sense of the enormity of what went on during this period in history, and the struggle that developed as a result of it. It is something that needs to be seen and experienced if you are any fan of Civil War history or American history in general.

The two Civil Rights centers win runner-up for obvious reasons. Both are beautifully done and really moving to see. The movie that they show in the Center in Montgomery is something very special, and it almost brought me to tears.

More FUN awards to come after a short recess....

J$

I'm so freakin fat right now

December 7th

I feel like such a fatass. Holy shit. I think my back pain stems from the unusual amount of weight I'm beginning to carry in my abdomen.
Pretty soon I may have to ask some of the ladies reading this to borrow a bra. I'll take used ones. Hell throw in some panties too. I'm sure I can make use of those too.

Status: Bloated
On the TV: Old School
Weather: Snow on the ground!

High in Ohio (I Wish...)

Just got to Cincinnati, Ohio and checked into...yup, you guessed it...Motel 6. OJ and I are now official experts on the layout of every possible Motel 6 room. We can judge the square footage and make instant comparisons with other Motel 6s across the Eastern half of the country. Who said this trip wouldn't be a learning experience?

Cincy is a decent city by all accounts but I doubt we are going to do anything too intense tonight. Probably grab some food, drive around the city a bit and then call it a night. We have an 11 hour drive tomorrow back to NYC, so I'm going to work on stocking the iPod up. Personally, I wanted to just do the drive tonight and sleep in the car, but OJ was too much of a pussy for that. Probably would have been a bad idea given it is 23 degrees out and there is snow on the ground.

The TV here works like shit. Fabulous.

Ohhhhh tomorrow I will be doing a "best of/worst of" award review of the trip. Stay tuned folks.

J$

Louisville

December 7th

Had a hefty buffet meal at Shoney's. I had fried chicken in Kentucky. :-)

We're leaving Churchill Downs now. This place is pretty incredible. 134 consecutive years of operation. The city itself looks kinda dingy, i guess cuz all the gambling. We're passing Louisville University now. Cool baseball stadium, shitty campus. Looks like we're gonna head out to Cincinnati for the night. It's freakin' freezing down here.

Status: Amazed at the history behind Churchill Downs
On the Radio:
Weather: Cold as balls

Nashville Is Money But We Are Spent

As expected from our tour during the day, Nashville is a great city. It's clean, safe and full of cool things to do. Makes me kind of regretful I didn't check out Vanderbilt as a potential college or law school.

It's reached that point in the trip, however, where me and OJ are knocked out. The driving 200-300 miles a day, plus the extra driving we've done in each of the cities, plus the unbalanced diet and lack of good sleep has reached us it seems.

Last night we went to THREE places trying to get dinner and everything went wrong at each of them. The first place had a kitchen that was closed at 8 PM on a Saturday night (OK, so maybe they are still hicks out here), the second place had a two hour wait for food and the third place didn't seem to exist. Actually, as far as the third place goes, we walked into this weird biker bar thinking it was the restaurant and it was like a scene from a movie where the music stops and everyone turns around and stares at the weirdos who just walked in. We booked it out of there before Zed tried to give us a ride on his Harley.

We finally ate at a really good chain restaurant called Logan's Roadhouse. I ate there once in Virginia and it is money. The meal was good. We then went to watch a belly dancer and smoke hookah at a place near the Vanderbilt campus. This was fun and relaxing and a nice change of pace.

The tiredness really hit us when we left the hookah place. We cruised around the Vanderbilt campus looking for parties, but everything seemed dead. We decided to check out the bars on the main drag, Broadway downtown. These places were PACKED and traffic was INSANE. There were lines out the door. Keep in mind that it is like -200 degrees outside and we had already been freezing the entire night. OJ and I looked at each other and both nodded that we should just go back to the hotel. It was already 1 AM and we were pretty sure we would have gone into a coma waiting on line to get in to any of these places.

So we didn't take advantage of the nightlife in Nashville after complaining all week that the nightlife everywhere else sucked. Oh well. We are from NY and we are allowed to bitch and complain. I really wish we had hit Nashville earlier in the trip, at this point we are just running on fumes.

Sad to say that the trip is almost over. We've decided not to stay another night in Nashville and to start our trip again up north. We are probably going to stop is Louisville and Pittsburgh on the way back, but we haven't decided whether we will stay overnight. We may just drive straight through (like 12 hours) and get back to NY sometime early tomorrow morning. That will involve SLEEPING IN THE CAR which is something I think is necessary to do at least once on a road trip. We made a pact that if one of us freezes to death in the car the other has permission to eat the remains. It only seems fair.

J$

Pajama and Butter Bandit

December 6th

Just got back from downtown Nashville, too tired to talk. But I had to update with this. Justin's pajamas and sweet potato butter jar are missing.
I repeat: There is a pajama and potato butter bandit on the loose in Nashville.

Status: Snoozin'
On the TV: Sportscenter
Weather: Frozen

P.S. Congrats to my boy Manny Pacquiao for destroying old man De La Hoya

Gettin' Nasty in Nashville

Got to Nashville this afternoon and so far we are FUCKING LOVING IT. Probably because it's the most East Coast feeling city we've been to. It actually feels like people are alive here and there is shit going on. Oh yeah, and we also don't have to worry about getting shot as much.

We basically cruised around the whole afternoon checking out the downtown area. We even hit up Vanderbilt University to see if there were any fraternity parties going on tonight. I spoke to some Sigma Chi brothers and they said it's mostly fraternity formals going on tonight, but that a lot of the bars downtown should be crowded. We are still going to be shady old men and see what's going on by the fraternity row later tonight :-)

Oh, did anyone know that they have Jack-In-The-Box in Nashville? I thought that was strictly a West Coast thing. We stopped there for a snack (I call it a snack because I'm starving right now) and I was very impressed. It may be the best fast food place we tried yet! I guess they solved that whole ecoli problem from a few years back.

J$

Trucks

December 6th

Just saw a truck hauling a tank on the highway.
Yesterday we saw a truck hauling a house.
Can't wait to see a truck with a nuke.

Status: Hungry for some BBQ but delaying it with gummy bears/sharks and cheez-its.
On the Radio: "Bad things" by Jack Everett (True Blood theme)
Weather: Still Partly Cloudy

Memphis disappointment = Nashville high hopes

December 6th

OK. So we wanted to make a quick stop to see Downtown Memphis during the day but it turns out there's a Marathon going on now and all roads to Downtown were left with tubby fatasses walking in a marathon.
Oh and Graceland would be a total of $68 to get into so we decided not to go, but instead take pictures from a distance. Didn't look like all that anyway.
Memphis has disappointed me. I thought I'd be greeted with cool blues places and swanky dives. Instead I was welcomed by a BB Kings crawling with tourists and a Dive Bar with a live band playing shitty heavy rock music.
And the bums. One bum totally called us out and yelled as we passed by "What up, New York?" That was pretty good. I guess we looked cocky and well dressed compared to the other people in the area. These country folk have no fashion sense.
So anyway, we're on the road to Nashville now. Can't wait to have some BBQ and check out President Andrew Jackson's house. Justin tells me that Jackson, after being shot, beat his assaulted with his cane. He also threatened to hang John C Calhoun and parade him around town if he seceded from the Union. That's pretty badass.

Status: Laughing at the "Loosahatchie River" sign
On the Radio: "Hungry Like the Wolf" Duran Duran
Weather: Partly Cloudy

Things I Forgot To Mention

In my tired/drunken stupor last night I forgot to mention some other experiences we had yesterday. Seriously, the combination of lack of sleep, inadequate nutrition and driving 4 hours a day is not conducive to drinking. I got a buzz off of 2 beers last night.

Before we left Jackson, Mississippi I ingested (part of) a FUCKING PIG EAR SANDWICH. Yes, you read that right....THE EAR OF A PIG ENTERED ME! It was at this scary little shop in the now deserted black area in Jackson called the Big Apple Inn. I quickly learned the Big Apple had NOTHING to do with New York, as I've never seen a pig ear sandwich being served at the delis in Bensonhurst. The place wreaked of pig and was eerie to say the least, kind of like the cafeteria of a closed down school where there was a fire and the cafeteria was the only area that survived.

The ear was served on a really small bun, kind of like a White Castle burger. The taste...well...it had the consistency of ham but it was really, um, slimy and gross. I ate about half of it before deciding I was going to vomit if I had anymore. It wasn't so much the taste that put me over the edge, even though that was bad enough, it was looking at the thing and seeing the cartlidge of the ear on the bun. It gave me shivers.

Also, as OJ mentioned, we stopped for pie right outside Memphis. I had the "Slap Yo Mamma" Chocolate Pie. Appearantly down here the phrase "Slap Yo Mamma" is a term of affection. I just think of domestic violence every time I hear it. I guess New York has hardened me.

Ohh, and the most depressing news of the day...Strawberry Rhubarb Pie is NOT native to the South. Who knew?

Nashville is next. I hope the nightlife is better so it cheers OJ up...he was really disappointed in Memphis. I, on the other hand, have come to accept that the South is better at lynching than partying :-)

J$

Memphis: Thunder Without the Lightening

So we spent the night out in Memphis tonight. Memphis probably has the most bustling downtown out of all the cities we have visited. There is a strip along Beale Street that is one blues bar after another, and there are lots of colorful lights and goodies to look at. Memphis is the home of the Blues, so most of the bars here are dedicated to live music and music of the blues variety, albeit a watered down version that is more tourist friendly (more on that later).

We ate a pretty decent meal at this place called Huey's which is in the center of downtown. It was pretty much straight up American food; burgers, fries, beer etc. I actually ate a salad which made me feel like a human being again as opposed to a fatass. I'm starting to really miss healthy food and the gym.

We then went to B.B. King's Club. This is the same brand they have in New York, but this is the original and had some really entertaining live music. We stayed there for awhile and then went to the Flying Saucer Bar which was down the street. It also had live music, but it was 3 old men playing young men's songs. Stranger and not so good, but the bar was fairly crowded.

So why is Memphis the city of thunder with no lightening? Because it SHOULD be a great city, but it is really lacking something. First of all, all the blues places I mentioned on the main drag are designed for tourists. The blues is watered down and more like pop music, it lacks the extreme sadness that really defines the blues genre. Second, even for a Friday night the city was pretty dead. It seemed like everyone was congregated in one or two places and everything else was empty. Finally, the crowd was OLD. There were some younger people in the Flying Saucer Bar, but they were overwhelmingly of the male sex.

I think OJ and I don't really understand how to go out in these cities. It doesn't help that we are driving between 200-300 miles a day and by the time we get to a new city, we are so tired we barely have the energy to go out. But we are also used to NY, where everything is popping no matter where you go. It seems like here, you have to KNOW where you are going, and there are particular spots that everyone goes to on particular nights. If anyone is from or has lived in the South, drop a comment and let me know if that is true.

I know I'm not my witty self tonight but a) I'm tired as fuck and b) it's like -40 degrees outside here. Seriously, I have no idea if the city is always this cold, but it's as cold as NY here in Memphis right now. I nearly died walking from one place to another.

We've decided to check out Graceland tomorrow, walk around downtown for a bit and then book out of here for Nashville. Hopefully the nightlife will be a little more satisfying, like one giant orgasm as opposed to several loud fakes ones. Ok, there is my perverted simile for the night and now I'm done.

J$

Memphis, bitches

December 5th

On the way to Memphis we took a small detour to "The Pie Folks" where we enjoyed a nice slice of pie that appeared on Good Morning America's finest pies in the nation. I enjoyed the "Company Iz Coming" Coconut Pie while Justin gobbled up the "Slap Yo Mama" Chocolate Pie. The lady was nice and told us the story about how she got on the show and how there's going to be a parade tomorrow in the area. Nice place.
Memphis looks like a huge city and Justin tells me it was voted the second most dangerous city in the US (Detroit is #1).
Motel room is just like the rest, but a bit more expensive. We're going to head out later on tonight to a BBQ place and then to Beale street to "walk it out" with the Memphis locals. Maybe we'll see 3-6 Mafia.

Status: Contemplating OJ Simpson's 15 year sentence
On the TV: Sportscenter
Weather: Cold...stupid winter.

Holy Hot Tamale!

Just visited lovely Clarksdale, Mississippi, which is just north of Wherethefuckarewe, Mississippi and Howthehelldidyougethere, Tennessee, to get some hot tamales.

I knew that a hot tamale was cooked inside a shuck of some sort, but I had no idea that the shuck was inedible, so on my first go at a tamale I tried to chew and swallow the sonbitch. Needless to say that did not work out so well. Still, the tamales were delicious. OJ, being the fatty he is, also ordered some sandwich called the Lil' Daddy, which was turkey mixed with mayo, lettuc, onions, BBQ sauce and pretty much everything else that will give you a heart attack in this world. It looked and, from my small piece tasted, delicious.

We are now on the middle of some highway flanked by cotton fields going to Olive Branch, Mississippi to get a slice of world famous pie. See you in Memphis.

J$

pee break

December 5th

Justin had to stop for a piss (of course).
Lots of road kill round these parts. We're about 90 miles away from the Tamale place in Clarksdale.
I've been trying to get trucks honk their horn, but they just look at me like I'm crazy. Probably think I'm giving them the finger.
Can't wait for these Tamales.

Status: Content
On the Radio: "Let My Love Open the Door" - Pete Townshend
Weather: Cloudy

Off to Memphis

December 5th


Coming from NYC, it's funny how we had to come down to Jackson to see some really ghetto shit. Stray dogs, run down cotton factories and boarded up houses galore. I can't wait to post the pics, it's crazy. Justin claims some of the slaves must've lived in some of these places.
I was taking a picture of this Jackson Police Car until the police officer came out and was like "Whatchoo taking a photo of, boy?"
After I peed my pants a little, I explained that I was from NY and he laughed and let me be.
Looks like this place sees its share of hurricanes cuz there's a lot of run down stuff here that they just don't clear out.
Currently we're heading up I-55 to this Tamale place in Clarksdale just off the Mississippi. Then it's off to a pie place, then Memphis, TN and GRACELAND.

Status: Feelin bluesy
On the Radio: "Hoochie Coochie Man" by B.B. King
Weather: Partly Cloudy

Jackson Rocks Kinda

It's 7:30 AM and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I figured I'd give ya'll an update. This is a bit long and more boring than my usual posts, so sit back and have a wine cooler as you read.

We got to Jackson last evening and as OJ already told you, we are impressed. Keep in mind that this isn't saying much given that we just left Dante's Inferno aka Montgomery, Alabama (you guys have to seriously see these pictures when we get back, I've never seen anything like it). This is a pleasant surprise given that a) Jackson is actually a smaller city, both in population and geography, as compared to Montgomery, b) Jackson was actually destroyed TWICE during the Civil War, and when I say destroyed, I mean completely fucking burned to the ground; only two buildings from the "original" Jackson of the Civil War era remain, c) Jackson and Mississippi in general shared Alabama's vicious propensity for racism and violence during the Civil Rights Movement (remember that the movie Ghosts of Mississippi and the murder of Emmett Till took place here)

Reflecting on Jackson's beautiful architecture and pleasant downtown area, I think I figured out the reason why it is so nice compared to Montgomery. Sit back and relax...here comes a history lesson.

Montgomery was actually the capitol of the Confederacy when the Civil War began, and Jefferson Davis (the first and only President of the Confederate States of America) was sworn in on the steps of the Alabama Capitol Building in downtown Montgomery. Pretty soon after the War began, the capitol was moved to Richmond, Virginia, a city closer to the battlefront. As such, Montgomery was NEVER destroyed during the Civil War. Jackson, on the other hand, was the manufacturing capitol for the Confederates during the War and was targeted and burned to the ground twice during its course. Therefore, everything in Jackson had to be rebuilt FROM SCRATCH whereas most of Montgomery's buildings were left standing. Soooo...Montgomery got old and run down because most of its buildings are from the Civil War era (and before) whereas Jackson has been restored over the years out of necessity.

How's that for a fucking history lesson? You actually LEARNED something today. Go tell your parents...I'll wait.

OJ mentioned that I love the ghettos down here. That's not really true; I just find them fascinating. It's hard to picture ghettos like this existing in New York. First, they are smaller and more concentrated down here. Second, ghetto down here means abandoned buildings with boarded up windows. Even in New York, where we have some pretty harsh ghettos, you don't see as many buildings boarded up and abandoned. It gives the streets a really eerie feeling, almost as if the buildings are haunted. Add that to the already complex mix of racial tension that undoubtedly exists in this area. Oh, and also, the streets are completely EMPTY at night.

OJ and I drove down North Farish Street last night, which was at one time one of the centers of the Civil Rights Movement, a performance area for Blues musicians and an area where almost all of the businesses were (and probably still are) owned by African-Americans. The street is deserted now, with boarded up buildings and shady characters standing on street corners, but I can't help but feel the lost energy that used to drive this place. The street is only two or three blocks long, but if you look into the windows of the stores that are still open for business during the day, you can just tell that there is a lot of history here.

So here's the plan for today: we are going to snap some pictures of downtown Jackson, which is really small and should take us no more than a half hour. Then I'm going to try a Pig's Ear Sandwich from the Big Apple Inn on N. Farish Street. Then we are going to depart for MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE, perhaps the first city where we will really be able to go out because it is the weekend. We will also be driving up the Mississippi Delta, which is chock full of hot tamale stands and the ghosts of old blues musicians, so that should be really cool.

I know you will be waiting in for suspense for my next update :-)

J$

Jumpin' Jackson Flash

December 4th

Arrived in Jackson this evening to the largest Motel 6's so far.
Awesome dinner at Que Sera Sera! Justin will tell you about the Gumbo, but I gotta say the waiter was totally on point with the Sweet Tea. I always had a filled glass, it was uncanny. The catfish po boy wasn't bad either. There were a couple of guys playing live guitar and singing there too. First three songs they played: "Collide" - Howie Day, "Blower's Daughter" - Damien Rice, "Nobody Knows" - Tony Rich Project. Totally my kind of music.
Next was the drive through Downtown Jackson. This place blows Montgomery out of the water. The buildings were gorgeous and I tried my best to get some good pics despite the lack of proper lighting.
Then we went to the ghetto, which Justin LOVED. There's a couple of restaurants we're going to check out tomorrow during the day. So if we don't update this soon, you can assume we're still in the ghetto getting carjacked by Treach and Dre.
We took a look at this local bar "Finnian's Pub," where it was Irish Dancing night. Needless to say, we didn't hang around for long.
That's all.
Tomorrow's a bit more of Jackson, then off to Memphis through the Mississippi Delta.

Status: Ambivalent
On the TV: Family Guy
Weather: FREEZING. Coldest city so far.

Deep South Be Scary

Once again OJ was a little nice in his description of Montgomery, Alabama.

The place is an absolute dump. OJ has the pictures to prove it. There are sections of this city that look like they still have outhouses in their backyards. To put it in perspective, every city we have visited so far had strip malls, fast food restaurants and some form of eatery on pretty much every corner. Montgomery had NONE. Even the signs on the stores look like they were put up 50 years ago and are about to fall down. In the words of my buddy Tommy from Virginia: "That's what happens when you lose the Civil War and go through a 150 year economic depression. Ya damn Yankees!"

Some woman yelled at OJ as he was trying to take pictures of the houses on the side of the road, probably because she saw our NY license plate and wanted us Yankees to go back to our mansions in Brooklyn. We managed to escape unscathed, however.

On the bright side, the Civil Rights Memorial is amazing. It's the exact opposite of everything else in the city...clean and lavish. When looking at all the violent acts that took place in the South during the Civil Rights era, almost all of them took place in Alabama and Mississippi. Guess where our next destination is?....

The meal we ate was good too. Some good Southern comfort food in Montgomery, and our waitress had a Southern accent as thick as molasses. Very appropriate.

On to Jackson, Mississippi for more Deep South scariness.

J$

DIRRRRTY

December 4th

Montgomery, Alabama!
It rains balls for most of the ride here.
The state buildings are whiter than Justin's complexion.
Went to the Civil Rights Memorial Center which was great. Again, MLK is the MAN. Very cool graphic thingy that tells you about the historical sights around the area. Hard to explain.
Afterward, we were able to take some pics of MLK's church where he pastored and the bus stop where Rosa Parks made her fateful decision to remain in her seat.
Next we toured the neighborhood and I took a couple of pics of some great houses and buses.
Next was a quick bite to eat at the State Market. Again, we were the only ones there but the food was delicious. Chicken Fried Steak!
Alright, gonna go to a thrift store now. BRB.

Status: Full
On the Radio: Sunshine by Atmosphere
Weather: Overcast

Sweet Home Alabama

December 4th

Just crossed into the border of Alabama. New time zone! CRAZY.
Signs for gun shows
I think I saw a sign for a KKK rally.

Status: "We're just a couple of oil barons heading to Baton Rouge by way of Coosawatchie, South Carolina! Let us fill you up!"
On the Radio: Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd (what else?)
Weather: Drizzling

My back hurts

December 4th

On our way to Montgomery.
PCOM-Georgia's campus consists of one building and a parking lot.
200 students. Quaint little school in the middle of nowhere, but hey it's a school, right?
My back has been starting to hurt from so much driving so now I'm using a pillow for the orthopedic support like Frank Constanza. It's a total chick magnet.
Justin tried to save me some of the grits he got yesterday but they froze in our "refrigerator" at the motel. So now it's just a block of potatoes.
Read Justin's post below. Funny shit.

Status: Sore
On the radio: "Highway to the Danger Zone" by some 80s band on the Top Gun Soundtrack
Weather: Overcast

No More Mr. Nice Guy

So OJ is a very nice guy but I think his posts have lacked some honesty lately. Usually I'm pretty positive myself, but this is going to be a bit of a rant about our night out in Atlanta last night. If you are offended by cursing, get the fuck off this page now :-)

Fuck the bums in Atlanta Georgia. If it wasn't for the fact that they were swindling money from me, I'd actually give props to their rap. However, they manage to get 2 or 3 bucks from me every time they approach, so I'm quickly becoming the Atlanta Bum Cash Cow. The worst was this extremely drunk hobo last night (he's probably a millionaire). He told me he would tell me a poem, and he proceeded to spew a bunch of nonsense from his lips so idiotic that I could hear Walt Whitman churning in his grave. He told me his poem would be about any word I gave him, so I gave him the word "road"...and then he said a poem that he had clearly delivered about 40 billion times and just threw in the word "road" randomly in the middle. He also started talking about same psychadelic, new age, whoo-whoo bullshit, failing to realize that I am the KING of the psychadelic, new age bullshit. I lose in the end though, because I still gave him $2 for his time and effort :-(

Fuck the best thrift shop in the world, Rag-O-Rama. Why would I say fuck you to such an awesome place that we managed to discover in the Little Five Points (isn't that from Gangs of New York?) of Atlanta, GA? Because I found an AWESOME shirt there for SIX bucks! And I didn't try it on! And when I got back to the motel it didn't fit! FUCKKKKKKKK! It barely fit OJ, and now that bastard gets to keep it. I'm planning on throwing him out of the car at some point.

Fuck the GPS system we are using. The GPS will probably get its own dedicated blog post sometimes soon, but seriously...this bitch's voice is really starting to irritate me. Especially when she keeps confusing Candler ROAD with Candler DRIVE. Some would say it is MY fault for typing in the wrong information and take us 7 miles out of our way, but I say it is HER fault for not realizing that we have been going to Canderl DRIVE the whole time down here and for still giving me the option of choosing Candler ROAD. Isn't artificial intelligence created exactly for the fucking purpose of making sure I don't screw up? I'm glad you all agree.

Fuck law school students. Everyone I meet these days is in law school and that's all they want to talk about. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT FOLKS. These two girls we met last night were law students at Emory Law and they were out for a drink before their finals start next week. This one girl was trying in the worst way to get me to make her feel better about going out on the Wednesday before finals. "It's ok to have one drink the week before, right?" "I'll still be ok, right?" Nope, you'll probably fail. The truth hurts sista. :-)

Oh, and fuck this really good BBQ place we went to. The food was really good, but the place was SCARY AS HELL. I'm talking lunch counter, dim lighting, bars on the windows...oh, and a FUCKING SHERIFF WITH A GUN AND BADGE STANDING BEHIND THE COUNTER WAITING TO KILL THE YANKEE BOYS WHO DARE ENTER THE ESTABLISHMENT! Ok, so the people there were nothing but nice and respectful, but me and OJ felt like if we said one word about the recent election we'd be tied to the back of a truck and dragged back to NYC.

This was a long rant because OJ is currently exploring the campus of one of his potential medical schools in Bumblefuck, Georgia (I swear that's the real name of the town). I'm sitting in the car waiting for him. Then we are off to MONTGOMERY ALABAMA and JACKSON MISSISSIPPI!!! WHEWWWWW DOGGIES I'm excited, now where is my confederate bandana!?!?!?

J$

Hobos and Shenanigans

December 3rd

After a night of being harassed by a drunken hobo reciting poetry and predicting where Justin got his shoes from I can safely say we want to leave Atlanta.

The night began with a hearty BBQ meal at Harold's BBQ. The place was such a typical Southern BBQ place, it was scary. We were the only customers there and they were watching Wheel of Fortune. There was a cop behind the counter who I can only assume was the Sheriff. They started talking about how Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg and we thought joining in the conversation before our better judgment prevented us from what would inevitably get us shot in the face. Suffice it to say we made it out there alive, with a delicious BBQ meal in our bellies.
Next stop was "The Local" and then the hipster area we went to during the day.
We spoke to a couple of nice girls who attended Law School at Emory for a bit, and they ended up suggesting to a couple of other bars we can check out while we were in town.
Both places ended up being completely empty. It was Wednesday after all.
On our way back to the car this homeless man and came up to us and said he'd recite a poem based on a word. Justin played along, and we ended up conversing for a good 20 minutes and Justin giving him $2. I'd make fun of him, but I was weaseled out of $10 myself earlier in the day so we're both a couple of saps.
Anyway, I'm exhausted because Justin led me in the wrong direction on our way back to the hotel when he mistook "South Decatur Ave" to be "South Decatur Rd."
Also, Atlanta's streets are weird and construction crews decide to end roads wherever they want.
Plus I managed to turn into a parking lot by accident because this guy was tailgating me and I had nowhere else to turn.
In the end we were able to tour the streets of Atlanta, so I don't mind at all.
The t-shirt Justin bought at Rag-o-rama ended up being too small for his massive chesticles, so I now have a free t-shirt to go with my sports coat. Woo!
Will check in again tomorrow. Next stop: JACKSON, MI

Status: Tired
On the TV: Election with Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick
Weather: Still cold!

MLK and Hipster heaven

December 3rd

Well, today was interesting.
First stop was MLK Center where we brushed up on our MLK Jr. history and got depressed all over again over the shit that happened in the 60s.
After that we went to the Georgia Dome/CNN Center, Turner Field, and the Olympic Park to take in some of the sights. Atlanta has some beautiful gardens and athletic fields. Cool tidbit: I didn't know the Braves was the oldest baseball franchise, started in Boston, and used to be called the Boston Bees as well as the Boston Red Stockings. Their logo also was the "B" and Boston lettering that the Red Sox now use.
While walking around we met a nice man named Ricky who told us how to get to Atlanta Underground, which was some tourist trap. He was from NY and was an avid Giants fan expressing his joy over the last Super Bowl win and his disappointment when one of the wide receivers shot himself in the leg (stupid Burress). Unfortunately it turns out he was just trying to get us to give him money and he weaseled $10 out of me cuz I had no change and I felt bad cuz he said I was his "homeboy." I'm so gullible.
Finally we found this crazy hipster area when Justin wanted to get some grits from this place. It was a great place full of hipsters and great pubs we will probably end up going to later on tonight. There was a great thrift store "Rag-o-rama" that had so many trendy clothes, but no hat for me. (I'm looking for a hat to match the jacket I bought in Charleston.)
Anyway, we're gonna head out to some down home BBQ now.
Keep it dirrrrty.

Status: Hungry
On the Radio: "Please Don't Stop the Music" by Rihanna
Weather: Chilly, but beautiful.

More Musings on the South

We just got back from a day of touring Hotlanta and I was somewhat unimpressed at first but it picked up at the end of the day when we found this cool little neighborhood with lots of people with dyed hair (just my type). I'll let OJ give you the details on that, for now some more random musings on the South and our trip.

1) As far as South Carolina goes, besides lynching people I think their favorite thing to do down there is to set off fireworks. There are fireworks stores EVERYWHERE. And you can literally buy mortars and shit in there, guaranteed to blow your fingers off with every attempt. I guess everyone needs a hobby.

2) One of the best things about the South is the names of the towns you pass. OJ mentioned this already. Maybe there are names like this in Upstate NY too, but it seems so much more poignant when you see a place named Goose Creek, South Carolina or Papie Road in Dublin, Georgia. I guess the little things make me smile.

3) I think Savannah was disappointing because I didn't bring my linen suit given it is unsuitable for winter climates. Savannah is the type of town where you just want to sit down with a SoCo on the rocks in a tan linen suit, buckskin white shoes and a fedora hat while saying things like "today is just a fine day, yessum it is." I didn't get to do that, hence we booked out of there early.

4) I feel like a city like Atlanta gets a lot of New Yorkers who claim that their food is superior to the South's. Case in point: I made OJ stop in this "general store" that I read about that sells the best grits in the South supposedly. While I made small talk with the girl at the counter, she mentioned their bagels are really good too. I instantly mentioned that I was from NY so bagels would be a hard sell in Georgia, and she told me that their bagels are made different (with olive oil or something silly like that), and other New Yorkers have liked them in the past. OTHER NEW YORKERS? I thought I was special.

5) I feel self-conscious about ordering stuff without mayo down here. Hopefully I'll stop blushing everytime I do it by the time we reach Memphis.

OJ will update next I think...I'm going to shower to prepare for our night out.

J$

ATL is F'N beautiful

December 2nd

Made a preliminary nighttime tour of Atlanta and the skyline is one of the prettiest I've ever seen. It seems there's a whole crapload of stuff to do.
Olympic Stadium, MLK monument and center, Georgia Dome, Turner Field, Underground Atlanta, Emory University, Georgia State University, and I'm sure there's more.
Afraid there's gonna me a lot more people during the day so parking's gonna be a bitch, but we'd like to try and ride the public transportation like the locals.
Anyway, I'm dead tired and I'm gonna go to bed in this huge ass room.

Status: Exhausted
On the TV: Borat movie
Weather: Freezing, but the heater's nice :-)

Welcome to Atlanta

December 2nd

We've arrived in Atlanta without a hitch; Unless you call the swerving between traffic lanes I did as I almost took the wrong exit; or me pleading with the other cars to get out of the way so I didn't have to shut off the cruise control (they didn't).

Cute story. Before we left the Sonic restaurant I went to see if they had a restroom. I asked them where it was and the gentleman pointed outside. I left and started walking towards what looked like an outhouse. I peered back into the Sonic to see if I was going in the right direction and the man inside gave me a "Where the fuck are you going?" look. I paused.
He came out and pointed alongside the building, indicated that the restroom was in fact a room with plumbing. I expressed my thought that the bathroom was an outhouse and the gentleman laughed and said, "We country, but we ain't THAT country!"
On our way here we had to get gas in the shadiest area EVER. As Justin stated, it was dark. The gas station was a couple of miles off the highway, which meant driving into the wilderness. As I pulled in the gas station there was a parked pick up truck and a nearly empty mini mart, with a guy standing at the door. Justin went in to use the bathroom (weak bladder), but I decided not to venture into the store with the brooding guy.
Anyway, here we are in Atlanta, not at a Motel 6, but at "America's Best Inn" which happens to be pretty classy. A microwave, a refrigerator and a shower that doesn't look like something out of Psycho. An extra $10 takes you pretty far.

Status: AWWWW YEA!
On the Radio: "Lollipop" by 'Lil Wayne
Weather: COLD AS BALLS!!!

DARKNESS FALLS

We are on the highway driving to Hotlanta and...its dark.

No I mean REALLY dark.

So dark that even though he is sitting right next to me driving, I can only see the white of OJ's teeth when I glance over.

OJ was kind enough to take pictures of me peeing on the side of the road in the eternal blackness. I think my piss actually added color to the dark night. The stars are beautiful out here though....

J$

Random Thoughts on the South

OJ has been providing you with the updates so far, so now it's my turn. Just some random musings on Dixie Land so far:

1) Charleston is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. So clean and picturesque. Sure it kind of smells like sulfur and there was a cock-a-roach running around our motel room (actually more than one I think) but I can't blame the city for that. As long as I didn't wake up with it crawling on my chest I was happy

2) The weeping willow tree is the coolest tree known to man. These trees are ALL over Savannah Georgia and they look so cool. The thick Spanish moss that grows from the bark feels like confetti. I thought about swiping some of it and bringing it in the car with us, but OJ thought having that on top of everything else would just make the vehicle smell worse at this point.

3) If it wasn't for the fact that I can control myself, I would be having a heart attack as soon as I got back from this trip. I've managed to limit my meals to one and a half a day, and that is necessary because our meals have been TERRIBLE for us. We have managed to survey three of the fast food restaurants that are exclusive to the South (well actually, I tried four of them, OJ only tried 3): Hardees, A&W, Checkers and Sonic. We are at Sonic right now as I write this, and a lovely woman with dreadlocks just brought our food to the car for us. The tater tots smell delicious.

4) Not everyone down here is as friendly as I thought they would be. Everyone says the South is so friendly so I kind of expected people to run up and hug me as soon as I walked around the cities. Not so! I haven't gotten one hug yet, and everytime I ask for one I get weird looks....strange indeed.

We are about to depart for Atlanta (yes we will be driving for a good portion of the night) so I have to cut this short...more musings later as they come to me.

J$

This is Savannah?

December 2nd

Arrived in Savannah walked down River st. and then promptly left.
Nothing much doin in Savannah Georgia on a Tuesday, I guess. I gotta say it was a scenic town, but really, not much to do.
We did pass Coosawatchia, South Carolina. Coosawatchie. haha.
Currently waiting for our food to be delivered to our car at a Sonic outside of Savannah.
Keep an eye out for a post from Justin!
Next stop, Hotlanta, baby.

Status: Disappointed with Savannah, but Atlanta's my highlight, so that'll be great.
On the Radio: "I Don't Wanna Wait" by Paula Cole
Weather: Cold, but clear skies.

Eating like shit

December 2nd

On our way to Savannah!
Charleston is gorgeous during the day. There was a quaint little flea market with trinkets and Justin was able to buy a 1/2 pound of caramel pralines. Delicious.
Life on the road is not the healthiest.
Just had a chili burger at Checkers and we ate at a local bar last night, Red Ice House, that was empty.
We plan on eating at a couple of mom and pop joints in Atlanta and wherever we go in Alabama.
I was able to buy a nice sport coat at a thrift star and at the same time contributed to the Cure for Children's Cancer.
Made a small detour to Fort Sumter, parked in the parking lot and then left.
There was a couple of cool looking bridges. Reminds Justin of Grand Theft Auto.
Finally heard someone say "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" :-)
See y'all in Savannah

Status: Satisfied
On the Radio: "I'm yours" by Jason Mraz
Weather: Sunny and blue skies.

Smells Like Southern Spirit

Charleston looks to be a very beautiful city. Classic southern architecture. It'd be great to be here during the summer.
The night can be summed up into a various list of smells.

Sulfur. Fish. Smoke. Rotten eggs. Sulfur.

Motel 6

December 1st

Just checked into the Motel 6 in Charleston and said hello to the cockroach that greeted us in our room.
Drive was smooth sailing.
Stopped at at the North Carolina/South Carolina border, aka "South of the Border" to check out the sights. Fireworks aplenty and a whole bunch of racist billboards of cartoon mexicans named "Pedro."

Not that bad a place considering the price we paid for it. Gonna head out to a local food establishment for some dinner and see what downtown Charleston has to offer.

Status: Hungry and hopeful
Weather: A little chilly, but clear skies
On the Radio: "Hammer to Fall" by Queen

On the road again...

December 1st

Just realized the time is displayed at the bottom, so no need for any of that anymore.
Traffic yesterday was AWFUL. about 4 hours worth of traffic before it cleared up. Finally got to Chapel Hill at around 10pm. We had a little trouble finding the house because of a weird house number set up that skipped numbers and a section without any odd numbers. Angling the car to see the house numbers on the mailboxes was fun. The GPS was a little finicky in its estimations which made things a little difficult.
Currently on our way to Charleston, SC after a wonderful night with Fran and Bob. Awesome people, really. Good food, and a fantastic house with one of the best showers of the East.
We were also able to meet with FJ and his daughter, who is absolutely adorable. Such a friendly little three year old. FJ was also able to provide us with 500 songs worth of blues music we will start playing one we hit the Delta.
Lots of coffee drinking.
UNC campus is a beautiful place with that whole college vibe.