No More Mr. Nice Guy

So OJ is a very nice guy but I think his posts have lacked some honesty lately. Usually I'm pretty positive myself, but this is going to be a bit of a rant about our night out in Atlanta last night. If you are offended by cursing, get the fuck off this page now :-)

Fuck the bums in Atlanta Georgia. If it wasn't for the fact that they were swindling money from me, I'd actually give props to their rap. However, they manage to get 2 or 3 bucks from me every time they approach, so I'm quickly becoming the Atlanta Bum Cash Cow. The worst was this extremely drunk hobo last night (he's probably a millionaire). He told me he would tell me a poem, and he proceeded to spew a bunch of nonsense from his lips so idiotic that I could hear Walt Whitman churning in his grave. He told me his poem would be about any word I gave him, so I gave him the word "road"...and then he said a poem that he had clearly delivered about 40 billion times and just threw in the word "road" randomly in the middle. He also started talking about same psychadelic, new age, whoo-whoo bullshit, failing to realize that I am the KING of the psychadelic, new age bullshit. I lose in the end though, because I still gave him $2 for his time and effort :-(

Fuck the best thrift shop in the world, Rag-O-Rama. Why would I say fuck you to such an awesome place that we managed to discover in the Little Five Points (isn't that from Gangs of New York?) of Atlanta, GA? Because I found an AWESOME shirt there for SIX bucks! And I didn't try it on! And when I got back to the motel it didn't fit! FUCKKKKKKKK! It barely fit OJ, and now that bastard gets to keep it. I'm planning on throwing him out of the car at some point.

Fuck the GPS system we are using. The GPS will probably get its own dedicated blog post sometimes soon, but seriously...this bitch's voice is really starting to irritate me. Especially when she keeps confusing Candler ROAD with Candler DRIVE. Some would say it is MY fault for typing in the wrong information and take us 7 miles out of our way, but I say it is HER fault for not realizing that we have been going to Canderl DRIVE the whole time down here and for still giving me the option of choosing Candler ROAD. Isn't artificial intelligence created exactly for the fucking purpose of making sure I don't screw up? I'm glad you all agree.

Fuck law school students. Everyone I meet these days is in law school and that's all they want to talk about. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT FOLKS. These two girls we met last night were law students at Emory Law and they were out for a drink before their finals start next week. This one girl was trying in the worst way to get me to make her feel better about going out on the Wednesday before finals. "It's ok to have one drink the week before, right?" "I'll still be ok, right?" Nope, you'll probably fail. The truth hurts sista. :-)

Oh, and fuck this really good BBQ place we went to. The food was really good, but the place was SCARY AS HELL. I'm talking lunch counter, dim lighting, bars on the windows...oh, and a FUCKING SHERIFF WITH A GUN AND BADGE STANDING BEHIND THE COUNTER WAITING TO KILL THE YANKEE BOYS WHO DARE ENTER THE ESTABLISHMENT! Ok, so the people there were nothing but nice and respectful, but me and OJ felt like if we said one word about the recent election we'd be tied to the back of a truck and dragged back to NYC.

This was a long rant because OJ is currently exploring the campus of one of his potential medical schools in Bumblefuck, Georgia (I swear that's the real name of the town). I'm sitting in the car waiting for him. Then we are off to MONTGOMERY ALABAMA and JACKSON MISSISSIPPI!!! WHEWWWWW DOGGIES I'm excited, now where is my confederate bandana!?!?!?

J$